Strength comes in many different forms and maybe sometimes one type of strength compensates when other muscles are lacking. Even though you might feel weak physically, you can still demonstrate mental toughness. When you feel completely emotionally broken, you can dig deep and find a spiritual resolve that carries you along, holding you just right until you can rest enough to get back up. They say that tough times don't last, but tough people do. The Parkers are tough and Eli has demonstrated more mental, emotional, spiritual and physical toughness in these last few months than most people muster in a lifetime. Part of finding strength is knowing that you won't always feel or look strong and that it's okay to sit in your weakness. Just don't stay there too long. Sometimes getting back up looks like baby steps before you can take longer strides.
This week has been full of so many challenges, but so much growth. Eli has tried really hard this week to overcome new obstacles and Tuesday, he was able to stand up to brush his teeth, got out of the room to go for a short walk with the walker and sat again in the chair by his bed for 15 minutes. Each time he pushes himself so much and talks himself through his plan of how to get where and what steps he is going to take. I enjoy watching him attack these challenges in such a methodical and determined way, providing all of us a verbal roadmap of exactly what is going on in his head.
He was in some pain when we started, but he pushed through. He needed to sit down after brushing his teeth, but he pushed through. He made it to the window at the end of the hallway, but needed to take a break in the wheel chair, but he pushed through. Strength is about not giving up. Strength doesn't depend on how long it takes as long as you do it, even a little bit, because next time you'll be able to do more, go further, reach higher, dig deeper.
His pain was better Tuesday. He was no longer on any I.V. pain meds and the nerve block was removed allowing some feeling to return to his quad muscle, which is important for stability. Right now, he needs to use the knee stabilizer when walking so that his leg doesn't buckle and give out.
The In N Out fairy delivered two double-doubles and then he took a nap. He finally reached his fill of hospital food and I think he might be the reason that they are now out of strawberries.
He went back to singing and saying random stuff, which was literal music to my ears.
Tuesday night he kept threatening to Door Dash something to the hospital. When I told him he didn't need more food, he said "Come on, man! You don't like me?" and then we ordered Wing Stop.
He was able to sleep in for the first time on Wednseday, returning to his teenager habit of sleeping until noon, which was good because he was starting to be able to go longer in between doses of the pains meds. We took off the knee stabilizer while he was resting in bed. PT and OT came by again to go for a walk and he requested crutches this time and he killed it and even did some stairs!
I asked the nurse what we were waiting on in order to be able to go home since we were already cleared with PT and she said that he needed to go 4-6 hours in between pain meds, which we did. So she asked us if she got the discharge paperwork ready, would we be interested in leaving that night and Eli, eyes closed, sleeping, said "Yes!" It took about an hour while she made some calls, got all of the prescriptions called in and by 7:30 we were on our way and 4.5 hours later we pulled into the driveway rocking out the whole way home.
I have to give him a anti-coagulant shot twice daily until he starts chemo, which is scheduled for next Friday. He has been going longer stretches between pain meds. We have a wheel chair at home and he was able to shower! His scar is pretty gnarly and snakes down his thigh and across the top of his knee, a battle wound that tells a story of strength, bravery, determination and so much mental toughness. I am proud to be his mom. Proud to know him.
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