Before Eli's cancer diagnosis, I was struggling for a period of months. Struggling with my kids getting older and worried about things that hadn't happened yet. It was depressing to look back at photos when they were kids. I felt like I was mourning their childhood. I was selfishly sad for myself, grieving my role as their mom, a position I felt was my quickly coming to an end. I was happy for them, but sad for me.
These past 8 weeks I have not been able to stop looking at photos of the past, cherishing every moment spent, every memory made. My biggest accomplishment is them. My greatest achievement is being their mom. I can’t remember what life was like before them and it is hard for me to envision a life without seeing them every day and knowing them like I know them now.
I am grateful. Grateful that I get to know them and raise them. Grateful for the past, present and future. Grateful for their hearts and their scars. Grateful for the opportunity. Grateful for this life. Grateful for this time.
Eli began Cycle 2 last Friday. Back to the doxo/cis combo. We went to clinic, his counts were really good, so we got a late breakfast before we got admitted and wheeled him up.
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| Driving to clinic. |
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| Getting settled in. |
On these weekends he gets IV fluid, IV anti-nausea meds and then the doxorubicin is pushed by hand over 20 minutes. Then he gets cisplatin in an IV that drips over four hours.
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| Christmas at St. Lukes |
Day 2 begins the same dose. We got through the night and Eli spent most of Saturday sleeping through the second dose of treatment. I was surprised when the onc doc made her rounds in the morning and said that we should be able to go home later that day. This time he got a lot of different nausea meds, including a patch to wear for a few days. We left at around 8pm and he went directly to the shower and texted me that he was hungry so we ordered pizza and he ate 1/2 of a medium pepperoni.
The next day he finished the rest and continued to eat well for lunch and dinner all week long, with just a couple of queasy episodes.
I've been extra tired this week but we still pulled off Thanksgiving, but no Turkey. We aren't turkey people. My mom came to visit for the week. Bella cooked us a yummy chicken pasta dish the first night. She also made Eli's favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner - her signature mini apple cheesecakes. I didn't take many photos.
This morning we went back to clinic for lab work. Eli's counts are down and his neutrophils will probably continue to dip over the next week. He lost zero weight this time around (last time he did this treatment, he lost 10 lbs). Clinic staff actually seemed pretty impressed that he ate as well as he did and sustained his weight without relying on any liquid protein shakes. Some of the nausea meds helped stimulate his appetite. I try to make him smoothies most mornings with his breakfast and I add some of the protein drinks in them. He went to the movies this week and took a solo drive to bring his girlfriend a McFlurry. He's able to get back in the hot tub and has been spending a lot of time in the bubbles.
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| Indulging me with endless selfies. |
Hopefully this week is uneventful as we roll into December. We have another week off and then will finish Cycle 2 with two weeks of MTX. Then we will do some rescans right after Christmas and move forward with scheduling surgery.
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